Fighting isn't necessarily a bad thing in a relationship, but if most of your time together is spent fighting, you've got a problem that the two of you have to deal with. Together. You each have your own ideas and opinions. If fights develop every time the two of you disagree on something, though, then there's something else going on. If you keep in mind that you're in this relationship because of love, you should be able to address the problem together and strengthen that relationship. These are the steps to follow if you'd like to stop the constant fighting with your girlfriend:
Step 1: Talk calmly. Shouting at each other begins a series of confrontational choices, none of which help. Remember, the key phrase here is "talking over your differences," not "yelling over your differences." Shouting and yelling can also lead to more violent behavior, like breaking and throwing things.
Step 2: You need to sit together and figure out why it is you're fighting. Often, the details of any particular fight are unimportant, because one fight follows on another as part of a string, when the root cause hasn't been resolved. A fight is resolved when you find the underlying issues and deal with them.
Step 3: Get out and walk around for a while. When you find out about a problem, instead of going at it hammer and tongs, take a break so that you each can cool off and give the matter some serious thought. Try a few hours break before things escalate, any time you feel a fight coming on. Don't start a fight; instead, take a break and think things over. Be honest with yourself - does this fight make sense? Or is this a way you each hurt each others' feelings?
Step 4: When you talk things over, remember that you love her, and listen carefully to what she has to say. Remember that you're working together to solve a problem, not beat each other up. It may be that the things that make you different are the things that make your relationship great. Respect those differences and be patient with each other's weaknesses and shortcomings. Don't judge each other, but be honest at all times. Respecting each other, then, is a critical component of your campaign to end the fighting.
Step 5: Your fight doesn't need a winner! Don't expect that you're going to end every fight with one agreeing with the other. It's pretty easy, in fact - just acknowledge that you don't agree with each other and move on. It's nice to find areas of agreement, but finding those areas of disagreement also help build the relationship, because you learn more about each other and what makes you each unique.
Step 6: Recognize and admit your own mistakes, and forgive each other. When you admit your own mistakes, you're expecting that she's going to forgive you for them - so you have to forgive her for her mistakes as well. You can build a stronger relationship by forgiving freely. One of the keys to stopping the trend of fighting with your girlfriend, then, is to make certain to forgive each other whenever you do fight. Telling her that you're sorry won't be hard if you remember why you love her.
Step 7: If it's still not working, then it's time to seek outside help. If the time comes that you realize you can't solve the problem on your own, go ahead and look for help from a qualified third party. If the two of you working together can't come to a resolution, it may be that you need the benefit of another perspective. There are many qualified people who can help you - psychologists, counselors and clergy, to name a few. They're equipped to help with your problems.
The routine bickering and fighting with your girlfriend will pretty much end once you've followed these 7 steps. You'll still have disagreements now and then. That's normal. When the disagreements arise, it's critical that you address them together, like adults.
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